Selden, NY asks The Maven....

Financially I cannot afford a divorce or can I?

A divorce is a civil dissolution of a marital relationship. Affordability should not necessarily be a consideration especially if both parties are willing to negotiate amicably. Mediation may be in the fact the best way to dissolve a marriage.
Mediation is a process whereby both parties sit with a mediator and resolve their issues without court intervention. It is the parties who decide what is to be paid and whom is to be paid, and the parties who enforce the agreement not a judge and not attorneys bent on making money.

Anyone can get divorced especially when both parties are willing to co-operate. The question is just getting rid of the emotion and getting both parties to the table to negotiate. Once everyone understands that there are no winners and no losers, the issues tend to resolve themselves. Mediation is really the most economical way of getting a divoce. It is the path of least resistance and is by far the best way to end a marriage without bankrupting the parties and preserving their assets.
-Maven

Farmingdale asks The Maven...

My husband is threatening that he will stop paying all our bills and will cancel all my credit cards. Can he do that?

If your husband is listed as the primary account holder, it is true that he can cancel the credit cards and open one in his name alone. If you are the primary card holder he cannot do that. As far as paying the bills if they are in his name he will be risking a poor credit rating by failing to pay the bills timely. Your attorney can advise you of the best way to prevent this kind of behavior by perhaps bringing an application for emergency relief to the court which would require your husband to keep the status quo while the action is pending. Joint assets are particularly vulnerable during a divorce action and each party must be aware of what is in the bank and have proof of same so if the asset disappears one's attorney can get a valid explanation as to where it has gone.----Maven

Stony Brook, NY asks The Maven

Do I automatically get the house if I get custody of the kids?

First I would like to wish everyone a Happy and Healthy 2009 and thank all of you who are submitting questions. Also please remember that I am licensed to practice law only in New York so therefore while some of my answers may in fact apply to other states I do not guarantee that fact. Thank you for continuing to send your questions. Chances are many people will be thinking of the same question so never hesitate to ask a question even if you think it is silly. There are no silly questions.

Dear Stony Brook:
While there are no "automatics" in the law, the USUAL outcome to a like situation would be for the party who has custody of the children shall retain the right to live in the marital residence usually until the children's emancipation, provided the party can afford the house. Again while this is NOT an absolute, most judges are reluctant to remove the children from their home and in fact there is existing 2nd Department caselaw which would back a judge's decision to allow the exclusive use until emancipation. Many judges feel however, that if the children are very young that a shorter period of exclusive use may be granted. In any event the spouse who retains custody of the children is in fact a good position to request exclusive use and get it provided the finances do not present a problem.-Maven